2016: The Heartbreak Kid

Photo by @annstreetstudio

The New Year easily is a minefield of emotions for me.

I find myself sitting at our dining table at 1AM trying to figure out how to calm the many thoughts circling above my head --- like the seats of the flying fiesta ride spinning fast with screams coming from every rotation. Being left to my own thoughts is a personal assault.

Where do I travel to next? What film should I watch? Which freelance work should I do first? Why am I writing this blog entry after so many years? Do I have enough money to go to my next beach trip? I should lose weight! Seriously need to lose weight. Should I have gone to Amsterdam? Could I have been less honest? Should I drink coffee at this hour? Why am I still thinking about that Isabel Marant dress I cannot afford?

So many questions, no concrete answers.

I remember same time last year, I was deleting a shitload of emails, unsubscribing to many newsletters, and just working so hard to physically create a semblance of moving on - moving on from what I no longer need.

If what they say is true that what you are doing at the start of the year continues throughout, then  I am reluctant to report that the multitude of events that took place in 2016 strengthened my skills in moving on - a lot of friends from the office have left, best friends have moved to other countries, there is now a larger belly in place of my previously smaller belly, and most surprisingly just a few days before the new year, a boy made an impact in my life and then left feelings of great possibilities hanging dry.

This brings me to 2016's biggest lesson of all - everything is fleeting.
You're lucky if you're able to recognize and acknowledge things while they're there.

So, 2017, I just want you to know, I will be more present in life just so I catch all the magic bits and pieces that you'll bless me with. Probably why I'm writing this now.

Haven't said this before, but this will be the year I find myself --- the best of whoever I think I am.


That was odd.
Bye.

SFM


Listening to: The Fire by Kina Grannis

Will we burn
From the fire will we learn
To be mindful and keep away from the words that ignite the flame

Being Your Own Boss Problems

I wrote this early this year and found this again today. There have been a lot of changes in my life and the most recent one relates to this. I could not have reread this in a better time. Thanks, me!

When being your own Boss means being your own employee too: a letter to myself.

Dear Coy, 

I have been trying to write about this days ago at the time when I was (we were?) dreading to commute to Makati with 45 pieces of planners to restock in bookstores. I couldn’t find the time because 1) we were so busy with the shipments that happen everyday, and 2) we have a day job that we love and decided to keep.

Facts:

1)    20 hard bound pieces of planners are already heavy…

2)    We live in Fairview

3)    We don’t have a driver, much more a car and

4)    I am my own boss but I am my own employee (You are my Boss, and you are my employee? Haha. Hope this does not develop a second personality. We can't afford therapy!)

When our dear friends-turned-business-partners and we decided to get serious about our start up business, I would like to think that I absolutely knew what I was diving in to: that having our own business would entail work on top of our current one and that it will not be easy. Looking back now, I think I knew and in fact I was scared.

Anyhoo, I commuted to Makati with whatever number of stocks I could physically carry. I got through the day unscathed and realized that the determination we had when we were much younger is still here. Huzzah!

And so I end this short note that serves you two purposes: 1) is to remind you that some things are really not easy but it probably is worth working hard for anyway, and 2) being your own boss (when you’re still a small company) means you are your own secretary, assistant, delivery guy, PR person, sales analyst, web designer, community manager, production line employee, and janitor all at the same time.

Happy Tuesday! 

KEEP ON GOING!

You'll most probably make it! :) 

P.S. I'll probably read this later and realize that my trail of thought is wack and this definitely lacks structure and flow. Why am I thinking/writing in fragments?

A Study of Kois

I've been thinking about tattoos lately.
This afternoon, I decided to design one for myself should I have the guts to get one. Haha.

This on my nape.

Maybe. When I'm ready.

I wanted to make an artwork out of the line drawing of the kois but I can't quite finish it: