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The New Year easily is a minefield of emotions for me.
I find myself sitting at our dining table at 1AM trying to figure out how to calm the many thoughts circling above my head --- like the seats of the flying fiesta ride spinning fast with screams coming from every rotation. Being left to my own thoughts is a personal assault.
Where do I travel to next? What film should I watch? Which freelance work should I do first? Why am I writing this blog entry after so many years? Do I have enough money to go to my next beach trip? I should lose weight! Seriously need to lose weight. Should I have gone to Amsterdam? Could I have been less honest? Should I drink coffee at this hour? Why am I still thinking about that Isabel Marant dress I cannot afford?
So many questions, no concrete answers.
I remember same time last year, I was deleting a shitload of emails, unsubscribing to many newsletters, and just working so hard to physically create a semblance of moving on - moving on from what I no longer need.
If what they say is true that what you are doing at the start of the year continues throughout, then I am reluctant to report that the multitude of events that took place in 2016 strengthened my skills in moving on - a lot of friends from the office have left, best friends have moved to other countries, there is now a larger belly in place of my previously smaller belly, and most surprisingly just a few days before the new year, a boy made an impact in my life and then left feelings of great possibilities hanging dry.
This brings me to 2016's biggest lesson of all - everything is fleeting.
You're lucky if you're able to recognize and acknowledge things while they're there.
So, 2017, I just want you to know, I will be more present in life just so I catch all the magic bits and pieces that you'll bless me with. Probably why I'm writing this now.
Haven't said this before, but this will be the year I find myself --- the best of whoever I think I am.
That was odd.
Listening to: The Fire by Kina Grannis
Will we burn
From the fire will we learn
To be mindful and keep away from the words that ignite the flame